I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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