Your dad touched me again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
