he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
