sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
