he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
