Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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