Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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