i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
