Someone shit on the floor
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
