You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
