Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
