I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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