saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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