i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
this hospital has no fireball
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
