You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
