Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
