I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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