omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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