this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
