do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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