No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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