Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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