I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
