Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if only i could text you this smell
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
