I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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