I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
