Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
