I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
