It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize