I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
