It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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