I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
