I am puke
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
