Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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