..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize