no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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