yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
