I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize