Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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