He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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