if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
