Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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