Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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