this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
