I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
