the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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