i don't like sucking hair
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
