this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
