the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize