Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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