My liver just broke up with me...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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