Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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