You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
