but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
