everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
