too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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