i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
