if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
