I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
