As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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