i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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