I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
