everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
