woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
