Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
