But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize