Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
