he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize